Tiger Woods has it rough these days and not because he has to hit out of a sand trap without his pitching wedge. He has it rough because everybody and there mother including twitter, phillip defranco, jay leno, and my grandmother are speaking about him and his personal life. So I figured I might cheer the poor or extremely wealthy guy up a little bit with a top 10 or 11 will go with 10 since I don't want to step on 11points toes, so these will be the things Tiger has to be thankful for in spirit of the recent holiday the pilgrims and Jon Wayne like to call Thanksgiving:
1)His Wife: Elin Nordegren! While she is probably pissed off as hell right now that everybody knows how well she can swing a 9 iron at the back of a window of an Escalade she is one hot child bearing Swedish model. As long as she doesn't rob him blind for his misdeeds I don't think he will be unthankful this one especially since his swedish pal Jesper Parnevik could have been the one involved in this mess as she used to be his Au Pair; what ever the fuck that means to you non-golfers.
2) He didn't die from his accident and it was only a Cadillac Escalade which is fully insured, he probably didn't have to pay for it since he won it from being a badass cheater I mean golfer. I'd still drive the escalade I mean look at this thing it's still pimping and anybody in Orlando or Miami would be more than glad to throw some spinners on this badboy paint it some ugly Donk color.
3) He doesn't have Tree Huggers coming after him for the tree he nearly demolished in Windmere Florida.
4) He has been banging at least 10 different chicks according to some trashy reporters at US weekly who love to display dirt whether it's true or not. Please don't hate this blog post, I'm sure tiger isn't that bad of a guy he just probably isn't faithful.
5) He likes cougars! In my book thats something to be thankful knowing that you can bang young and old all over the world and apparently this Blasian is no exception to the rule whether its a 20 year old Rachel's cocktail waitress in central Florida or acting as a baby cub in Europe. According to British reports claim Woods also had dalliances with a "sex-addicted cougar," although not much is known about her yet and hopefully they don't tell us any more so we can get over this whole Tiger saga that he his hating ohh so much right about now funks your brother.
6)His Golf Game is still there and even though he recently took some time off, he can just practice in his own serenity without everybody haggling him about his personal life, which we really shouldn't care about but I guess all this talk about the economy has gotten so old by now.
7)His car crash was not alcohol-related and his fine was only a whopping $164.00, while that is more than I make in a month it's less than he makes when he gets up to text in the middle of the night.
8)He is kicking ass in twitter and Google so his adwords dollars are happy clocking in a cool 56,868 tweets he beat out our sponsor twitter.com/CoopersPick and has over 46,000 google news articles how he beat everybody out again? I am still baffled.
9)Nike, Gillette, Amex, Target, Tag Huer, NetJets, Buick if they didn't make shitty cars from Rick Wagoneer and all 173,000 other sponsors as of right now are standing by their man. The question is will Elin?
He is giving the President tips so that gives him something like diplomatic immunity, so hammer can't sue. Having Obama on your side is a good thing to have and who knows maybe even he has a few skeletons in his closet....